Archives For Marriage

1 Year…

December 30, 2011 — Leave a comment

A year ago I came close to dying. I learned much about friendship, service, letting others serve me, life and how much I mean to my family and they to me.

Since that time, I have witnessed God work in radical ways, seen my family come together, seen my family struggle with change, seen our company grow, seen men fight addiction, witnessed men step-up and lead, vacationed with friends for the first time, accepted a new job, moved across the country, sold a house, bought and sold cars, and most importantly allowed God to lead the way in my life.

As I reflect on this past year and remember (what I can) lying in bed last Christmas with a broken back/ribs/elbow and major concussion and realize what God has done since that time, I’m in shock. Why we he continues to care about me, is a mystery I will never solve. I’m no one, yet he still has a plan and obviously I have more to do. I have not wasted any time this year and am making the most out of things. I have not gotten it right every time, but I haven’t wasted anything.

As I start my annual review of My Life Manifesto, I realize I have a lot to do in 2012. God has called me to be more than I am and I have to get back in the game in some aspects of my life (more later on this). Right now, I’m focused on today and am in awe of how awesome God is.

It’s been a year…



Who do I love most? What’s most important to me? I use to answer these questions differently than I do now. I was immature (still am in many ways!) in my thinking. I loved my wife before my kids, and my kids before God. And this was a mistake and even worse a sin.

I did not properly lead my family because my priorities were wrong. My first love was wrong. It sounds right… Right? What’s wrong with loving your wife first? Seems like that should be number one. For example, we made decisions that I knew were wrong at the time, but in wanting to please my wife I went along with them and justified them in my mind – thus going against the best advice I ever received – and only to face the consequences later. Instead of doing the hard work and having the difficult discussions, I took the easy route and did what I thought was going to make things easy. Thus ignoring my leadership role in my marriage. I look back and see where I did this time and time again over the 22+ years of our marriage.

What should I have done and what do I do now? I have changed my priority and base my decisions on that priority. My first priority and love is to God and serving him. By making this change, I am able to discuss decisions with my wife that in the past I would not have discussed. We make many of the exact same decisions, but at the core of what has really changed is who I’m making the decisions for and who I am trying to please. By shifting my number one priority from my wife to God, I am able to look at things in a more objective manner and seeks God’s will in every major decision – then we discuss it and come to a consensus. This sometimes leads to tough discussions, but Sheri and I both agree that we make much better decisions now and more importantly for the right reasons.

I’d love to say that everything is perfect. It’s not, but it’s much better now that I am leading rather than following my family. My wife is and will always be my best friend and lover. But God is my first love.

Who is your first love? Does it need to change?

Dancing with My Star…

February 24, 2011 — Leave a comment

Tonight Sheri and I start ballroom dance lessons. I have to say that I’m not really looking forward to the “dancing” part of this, but I am really looking forward to spending some time with my STAR and getting to do something out of our comfort zone.

What can you do that takes you out of your comfort zone and closer to your wife? What’s stopping you?


February 13, 2011 — Leave a comment

Coming off my injury has been dificult. I still suffer headaches and am very sore in my ribs, neck and shoulder. I was out of work for 7 weeks and am only returning at 80% now. Needless to say, things have gotten crazy in our schedules. We’ve had to stop doing some things so that we can focus on other things – I took a hiatus from blogging as a result of this change. We’ve stopped other things as well – which I won’t go into publicly.

The point, sometimes we have to stop doing really important things and focus on the few critical things. In my Life Manifesto I talk about my priorities being God, Sheri, the kids, others, then work/money/etc. in that order. I was spending too much time on item 4 and not enough on item 3.

My priority is my family above anything else of this world. If I’m not serving and leading my family well, then nothing else matters.

What do you need to go MIA for?

If you read anything on my blog, twitter or facebook you’ll know that I struggle with pride. This week illustrated yet again how far I will go to conceal and feed my pride.

Let me start by saying I have a broken back and a concussion. I CANNOT climb on a ladder. I stepped up on a 2-step step-ladder yesterday and almost fell over – vertigo is a tought thing to combat. I fell while getting ready to hang our Christmas lights. You guessed it! We don;t have any lights on the outside of the house. This is a BIG deal for Sheri because she loves Christmas and wants our home to be the best it can be to honor all God has done in our lives.

Our good friends arranged for someone to come by our house and hang lights for us. This struck a nerve! It caused several arguments and I even went as far to state that they person wouldn’t show up and I would be proven right…

Boy was I wrong! In fact in trying to feed my pride (no other man is going to hang lights on MY house!) I was also robbing my wife of her joy and the joy Christmas brings to our house. I had rationalized that our house was ‘good enough’ without lights on front.

On Monday I realized how prideful and selfish I was being. I asked God to forgive me and prayed that the light would get done. Tomorrow we’ll have lights on our house. I’m thankful that Sheri is stubborn and sticks to her guns when she’s right. I’m thankful that God forgives me for my pride and takes the time to correct me when I’m wrong.

Living our My Life Manifesto is not easy. especially when I post all my faults on this blog. By reading this, you’re one of my accountability partners. Thank you for filling that role in my life. My faults are many, but at this year, I’ve been blessed beyond what any man should be. I give God all the glory. I have done nothing. He’s done everything. My walking and talking is a testament to His power and glory.

Yet and other humbling experience….

Merry Christmas

My Stubbornness….

December 12, 2010 — 3 Comments

One week ago, I lay in ICU under the care of a critical care team pending the results of the tests to see if I would require emergency spine surgery to fix problems associated with “the fall”.

Today, through nothing less than a miracle, I am walking and trying to pretend everything is normal. Since coming home on Wednesday, I have consistently said I was attending church today. All the while my friends and wife were questioning the wisdom of that decision. Gruntlers, Roberts, Avery’s and others always asked if that was smart. I feel up to it, so of course. My wife was set against it from minute one.

Today, I am not attending church. It breaks my heart not to be there, but I was pushing this under the excuse of praising God when in fact my real motive was to return to normalcy. This was causing major issues for my wife. This morning, God impressed on me that I need not be in church to praise him…

That’s when I realized: this is not normal and there is no quick return to normal.

In honor of my wife and friends, I will not be attended church today. I still praise God for his grace, but I do it through honoring my wife’s wishes and praising him privately ~ just He and I.

Praise God…