Who do I love most? What’s most important to me? I use to answer these questions differently than I do now. I was immature (still am in many ways!) in my thinking. I loved my wife before my kids, and my kids before God. And this was a mistake and even worse a sin.
I did not properly lead my family because my priorities were wrong. My first love was wrong. It sounds right… Right? What’s wrong with loving your wife first? Seems like that should be number one. For example, we made decisions that I knew were wrong at the time, but in wanting to please my wife I went along with them and justified them in my mind – thus going against the best advice I ever received – and only to face the consequences later. Instead of doing the hard work and having the difficult discussions, I took the easy route and did what I thought was going to make things easy. Thus ignoring my leadership role in my marriage. I look back and see where I did this time and time again over the 22+ years of our marriage.
What should I have done and what do I do now? I have changed my priority and base my decisions on that priority. My first priority and love is to God and serving him. By making this change, I am able to discuss decisions with my wife that in the past I would not have discussed. We make many of the exact same decisions, but at the core of what has really changed is who I’m making the decisions for and who I am trying to please. By shifting my number one priority from my wife to God, I am able to look at things in a more objective manner and seeks God’s will in every major decision – then we discuss it and come to a consensus. This sometimes leads to tough discussions, but Sheri and I both agree that we make much better decisions now and more importantly for the right reasons.
I’d love to say that everything is perfect. It’s not, but it’s much better now that I am leading rather than following my family. My wife is and will always be my best friend and lover. But God is my first love.
Who is your first love? Does it need to change?